The Square Peg

After talking to friends, acquaintances, watching TV and movies, surfing the internet, and overhearing conversations while standing in various lines, I’ve come to the conclusion that Hell is amazing and its properties are quite complex. Here’s why:

It’s mathematically visualized.· For real; just type in 7734 on your calculator, turn it upside down, and you’ll see hell.

It’s descriptive of personalities:
· funny as hell
· romantic as hell
· mad as hell
· stupid as hell
· dumb as hell
· cheap as hell

and degrees of talent:
· run like hell
· sing like hell

It's involved with the impossibility of things:
· “It'll be a cold day in hell before I do that again” (is this where global warming originated?)

· Snowballs aren’t welcome there (“He doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of taking her to the prom”)

And in case you didn't know:
· it has the ability to 'break loose,' thereby wreaking havoc in a situation
· bats apparently exit hell more quickly than other creatures because nobody ever says "he ran like a cheetah out of hell"
· it equates with being as challenging as high water with regard to keeping you from doing something you want to do – “Come hell or high water, I’m going to that concert!”
· if you want to travel there comfortably, go in a handbasket like the rest of the world
· according to the Newboys, breakfast isn’t served there
· you can catch hell, which is never good (is it molecularly structured like a hot potato?), but I can’t seem to get an answer of whether or not one needs a special glove to catch it (like with baseballs) or if you use your bare hands
· bad days, weeks, and sometimes months at work come from there: “This has been a week from hell”
· the weather tries to copy it - “it’s hot as hell out here”
· young adults want to raise a little of it
· Mothers only have the upper body strength to do that once – “I’m the only hell my Momma ever raised.”
· sometimes it comes on wheels (like a skateboard? or bigger, like a motorcycle?)
· it’s the first installment in the hell, fire, and brimstone trilogy
· bad tempered, spiteful women are cats originating from there (hellcat is in the dictionary)

It has relatives in the real estate market:· “Where the hell is my toothbrush?”
· Georgia is apparently annexed to hell - “I’ve looked all over hell and half of Georgia for you”

But will never be featured on the Travel Channel as a “don’t-miss” destination:· “I’ve been through hell and back with that woman” (he said after the divorce was final)
· “I won’t work with them again. Doing that job with them was like driving through hell on an air-conditioned bus with a six-pack of Pepsi.”

It’s used to express confusion, disbelief and general wonderment:· “What the hell did she do her to her hair?”
· “What the hell did you do that for?”
· “What the hell just happened?”
· “What the hell is going on here?”

And finally:
Giselle is from there (according to her user name on twitter). Seriously. Twitter GiselleFromHell; you’ll see.