The Square Peg

There once was a woman who was sitting in her kitchen with a guest, chatting and sippin' on iced, sweet tea. After a while, the hostess suddenly smacked her guest on back of the hand. The guest began to howl claims of disbelief and pain. She went home, wailing to anyone who would listen about what a terrible person the hostess was.
The end.

Sucky story, huh? I thought so, too.

At first, it's easy to think wow, that hostess is something else.

But shouldn't we instead wonder:
Why did the hostess smack her guest's hand?
What did the guest *do* to warrant getting smacked?
I think we should.

The "no boundary = no fault" attitude that's becoming increasingly prevalent really gets my panties in a bunch more than almost anything else I can think of. More than I can tolerate without speaking up. This isn't about a specific person or situation; I'm talking about an entitlement mentality that's making its way across the planet. And it's destroying relationships in its wake.

People who are generally without boundaries in their life often have something in common with one another (aside from the 'no boundaries' philosophy): they rarely have any fault or morsel of responsibility in all previously failed or strained relationships, be they of the marriage, parenting or friendship type.

Coincidence?

I don't think so.

I think this happens because they'd rather hide behind a false pretense than face their weaknesses, insecurities or admit their own lack of integrity.

I think some of them think it's about who did more 'wrong' in a specific situation. But it's not. It's actually about owning 100% of your part...even if that part is only 2%. Because if you deny your 2%, it gets magnified. Truth won't be mocked; it always comes out.

A person's lack of boundaries does not entitle him or her to do or say whatever he or she wants without suffering consequences. If I invite a gal over to my house for dinner, she doesn't just get to help herself to the cookies in the jar on the counter. (I'm speaking metaphorically, of course; we all know I detest baking...if I even *had* a cookie jar, it'd probably contain individually wrapped Oatmeal Creme Pies.)

There are two ways to handle a situation like this. One way is to ignore it and hope it goes away on its own. This isn't really a viable option because it leaves the ignorer feeling disrespected while the offender remains ignorant.

The second way to handle it is to care enough to confront. While it might really suck to have to talk about something that could hurt feelings or cause moments of awkwardness, it solves a couple things in the long run. Either the offender will find someone else's space to invade and assault (and is thereby no longer your problem), or you will cause the offender to rethink her behavior, and provide her with an opportunity for much-needed growth.

I will most certainly (albeit metaphorically) smack the back of her hand. And if she feigns shock and awe when I call her on it and put her back in her place, I'm OK with that. Unbalanced relationships with unrealistic expectations aren't something I'm interested in being a part of. Most other people aren't, either, from the data I've gathered. 

If you confront and lose a relationship, so be it. But you have to be your own advocate if you want  your boundaries respected and maintained. If good fences make good neighbors, then boundaries make good relationships.

Give some thought to yours.