There once was a woman who was sitting in her kitchen with a guest, chatting and sippin' on iced, sweet tea. After a while, the hostess suddenly smacked her guest on back of the hand. The guest began to howl claims of disbelief and pain. She went home, wailing to anyone who would listen about what a terrible person the hostess was.
The end.
Sucky story, huh? I thought so, too.
At first, it's easy to think wow, that hostess is something else.
But shouldn't we instead wonder:
Why did the hostess smack her guest's hand?
What did the guest *do* to warrant getting smacked?
I think we should.
The "no boundary = no fault" attitude that's becoming increasingly prevalent really gets my panties in a bunch more than almost anything else I can think of. More than I can tolerate without speaking up. This isn't about a specific person or situation; I'm talking about an entitlement mentality that's making its way across the planet. And it's destroying relationships in its wake.
People who are generally without boundaries in their life often have something in common with one another (aside from the 'no boundaries' philosophy): they rarely have any fault or morsel of responsibility in all previously failed or strained relationships, be they of the marriage, parenting or friendship type.
Coincidence?
I don't think so.
I think this happens because they'd rather hide behind a false pretense than face their weaknesses, insecurities or admit their own lack of integrity.
I think some of them think it's about who did more 'wrong' in a specific situation. But it's not. It's actually about owning 100% of your part...even if that part is only 2%. Because if you deny your 2%, it gets magnified. Truth won't be mocked; it always comes out.
A person's lack of boundaries does not entitle him or her to do or say whatever he or she wants without suffering consequences. If I invite a gal over to my house for dinner, she doesn't just get to help herself to the cookies in the jar on the counter. (I'm speaking metaphorically, of course; we all know I detest baking...if I even *had* a cookie jar, it'd probably contain individually wrapped Oatmeal Creme Pies.)
There are two ways to handle a situation like this. One way is
to ignore it and hope it goes away on its own. This isn't really a
viable option because it leaves the ignorer feeling disrespected
while the offender remains ignorant.
The second way to handle it is to care enough to
confront. While it might really suck to have to talk about something
that could hurt feelings or cause moments of awkwardness, it
solves a couple things in the long run. Either the offender will find someone else's space to invade and assault (and is thereby no longer your problem), or you will cause the
offender to rethink her behavior, and provide her with an opportunity for
much-needed growth.
I will most certainly (albeit metaphorically) smack the back of her hand. And if she feigns shock and awe when I call her on it and put her back in her place, I'm OK with that. Unbalanced relationships with unrealistic expectations aren't something I'm interested in being a part of. Most other people aren't, either, from the data I've gathered.
If you confront and lose a relationship, so be it. But you have to be your own advocate if you want your boundaries respected and maintained. If good fences make good neighbors, then boundaries make good relationships.
Give some thought to yours.
Bridget is hosting today's blog carnival. It's open to everyone; if you want to participate, go to her page and leave a comment with a link to your blog after you've posted your entry.
Love is the most powerful force in the universe. And from where I'm sitting, it seems there are 3 categories of 'love' we experience most often.
Casual - This is the kind of love we hear and see the most yet it has the shallowest meaning. It's never meant in a deep, committed, or sacrificial kind of way.
"I love those shoes."
"I love your hair."
"I love to play golf."
"I love that song."
Casual love doesn't require us to do anything. We can use the word love to describe our feelings and not suffer any consequences when we change our mind. If you don't love those shoes any more, you just stop wearing them. Nobody cares and you won't be held accountable.
Convenient - This is pretty straight-forward; as long as it's working, we love it.
I used to say I loved Arby's fast food until I lived in Wichita Falls,
Texas. The only store in the city was located at the
bottom of an exit off the freeway, didn't have a drive-thru and only
took cash; no checks or debit cards. You had to really want Arby's to
go there. After a few times of spending 30 minutes of my busy life trying to find a parking
spot, walking inside and waiting in line, followed by sitting in traffic to get back on the freeway, I
realized I didn't really love Arby's as much as I thought or claimed. The hassle wasn't worth the reward.
Sometimes it's convenient to love someone we think we can get something from...whether it's an inheritance, something he/she can do or provide that propels us forward at work, or gives us leverage, position, status or power.
This type of love has hurt me the most personally. Discovering I was convenient to love (and subsequently stop loving) cuts me deeper than being loved casually or conditionally for some reason and leaves me feeling like I've been sucker punched.
Conditional - This is closely related to convenient love but this is typically based on our performance (or lack thereof).
"You obviously don't have what it takes to be with someone like me"
"You called a few times but did you ever come over or offer to help financially?"
"If you can't try to understand me or what I need, then maybe we don't have anything worth fighting to save."
Since no one is able to perform the right way all the time, this type of love is extremely frustrating and typically unfair. It's pretty easy to spot though, because it doesn't take long to rear its ugly head.
Much of the time people who are love casually, conveniently or conditionally aren't even aware of it.
But there is another kind of love. And it also starts with a C.
It's Christ's love. But His love isn't anything like the ones I listed previously. In fact, His love is the polar opposite because there's nothing casual, convenient, or conditional about His love for humanity. He's committed to us. He's all in. He's true blue.
But I think we sometimes try to put His love in the first three categories because we have a hard time grasping it. If I don't love you unconditionally, it's pretty easy for me to assume that God doesn't love me unconditionally, either. But that's so wrong...
If you have only experienced the first three types of love I listed, please hear me: God has crazy love for us and it's not affected by our performance, lack of faith, mistakes/failures, accolades we've received, our ability to study/teach His text, or make money.
He loves us because we exist.
And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you.
Zoe is a silly, snuggly, spotted, spirited bulldog and I love having her around. And while Zoe is fun, she's a whole lotta dog. She's a powerful, rambunctious, puppy who is completely unaware of her capacity to accidentally hurt someone. Playfully biting or rough-housing with someone could easily do some damage if her power and strength were to be misdirected or uncontrolled. It's for this reason that we try not to let her get into an excited state of mind (except when playing with her friends Karma, Darra and Rex--there's no controlling that excitement); we want a behaved dog, the kind of dog that wouldn't annoy our non-dog-loving visitors yet would behave nicely toward the visitors who welcome her affection and attention. She's a work in progress.
We humans aren't very different; we also have power that needs to be managed and directed the right way. Maybe we don't realize it, or sometimes we just forget, but we need to recognize the responsibility of its strengths and weaknesses.
Zoe's not built for running fast; she's more of a working dog. But when she comes loping into the room and plows her body weight into your thighs, you're going to know it...and it won't matter if she was going 5 mph or 55. Mocha, on the other hand (the dog we had to put down earlier this year), wasn't a working dog. Mocha was created to retrieve. It didn't matter if it was a tennis ball, a fake duck, or a golf ball; whatever you threw, she was going to bring it back. Moose used to stand in the back yard and hit golf balls onto the roof of the house and Mocha would stand nearby, listen very carefully and then run to the part of the roof the ball was going to drop from. Then she'd catch it and take it back to Moose and drop it at his feet so they could do it all over again. She lived to retrieve. Mocha's weakness to her power was that she didn't know when to quit. She'd overplay and hurt herself. And sometimes in her zeal, she'd stand too closely to a golf club and get hurt.
When directing our power and energy into something healthy, it can seem like we're unstoppable because we accomplish so much. But when it's not aimed in the right direction, damage is inevitable. Having a lot of power doesn't impress or affect progress if you spend all your time having to undo what you've done wrong and cleaning up the mess you've left behind.
A bull may be exceptionally powerful, but if the Farmer wants the bull to stand patiently while tied to the plow and wait for Him to return from the house, it doesn't matter if the bull can plow 2 acres an hour; what matters is his obedience. And therein lies our weakness; knowing when to use our power and when to harness it.
Still learning to use my powers for good instead of evil,
Eva
orders, pictures and King Kong
I'm a little behind in doing this but I've been kinda busy.
Our request to change our leave date (which we asked for in case the orders didn't get here soon) was accepted. We fly out January 24th. And five months after receiving notification of our upcoming change of station, we got our orders. Now the pace picks up for us...scheduling packing shipments, shipping the truck, turning in my car (it's a lease) and deciding what goes in the suitcases and carry on bags will dominate our thoughts and direct our energies over the next 7 weeks. Those things will also be the direct cause of our stress and headaches during that time, as well as some time after.
We went to Louisiana to visit our friends for Thanksgiving. We had a great time and after having so much fun with Cheryl's girls, I am seriously petitioning God for granddaughters (just not right now). Annaliese and Eleora played hopscotch and colored on the front porch with me and it rained during the night before we left. When Eleora woke up and saw our artwork had vanished, she told her mom our "skips" were gone. Here are a few pictures that are too cute not to share with you.
- the EXTREMELY hot fire at the weenie roast. It was so hot Cheryl thought I was going to walk away from the bonfire with a tan. The roasting sticks weren't long enough and I was afraid my eyebrows were going to be singed off. (When you read that last part, I hope you read 'singed' with the j sound. If you read it with the g sound, you're probably wondering how a fire could sing my eyebrows off.)
- the Tea Party...it was the first tea party I've ever attended. I wish I would've had time to go buy a hat and gloves for it.
- the four pounds of spinach dip Cheryl and I consumed at Grandmother's house on Thursday. Well, Troy said it was 4 pounds; Cheryl and I swear it couldn't have been more than 3 - 3.5 pounds tops.
- Eleora's sign language/hand gestures when asking for pumpkin bread. She looked like she was snapping a pencil in half while asking, "Miss Eva, can I have a piece of pumpkin bread?"
- Kael's numerous reminders to Moose that the boys had to play Halo before bed time. Kael's only 7 years old but he had more kills than Moose did.
- Watching Home Alone in the dark and hearing the kids laugh and shriek all the way through it. Especially when Joe Pesci's character's head caught on fire.
- Trying to corral the two dogs when they were in the room with the little kids was like trying to nail Jello to a tree. I think Gabriel got knocked down and/or bumped a record number of times. To say he didn't appreciate it would be putting it mildly.
- The ridiculously long, wrong, King Kong trip and order at Starbucks on Black Friday night. (OK, so King Kong wasn't involved in any way, but I wanted to include another "ong" word.) I bet Troy never suggests stopping by Starbucks again. The girl at the window actually told him, "it's Black Friday and we had our butts handed to us all day long." Troy's order was the only one that was correct on the first go-round, even though all the drinks had been repeated to us correctly when going back over the order.
- Troy's one good eye - So Troy has something wrong with one of his eyes and it requires drops to be put in it. The drops cause his eye to dilate...yet he still beat Moose at golf. And read street signs from far distances. And spotted details the rest of us missed in the video game we played. All with "my one good eye". LOL
Peace out.
Today I attended the funeral of a friend's dad. "Grandpa" was retired from the Air Force, worked for the public school system and was a volunteer fireman, among other things. He was a noble kind of man, the kind we don't have enough of in this world.
A person didn't have to spend a lot of time with Grandpa to know how much he loved his family, to know that he was an honest, hard-working man, or that he was a generous person. I don't say that Grandpa was generous because he gave money (although he did); he was generous because he gave himself...to his wife, his children, his co-workers and neighbors. And the impact he had on people's lives was very evident today at his service. His children spoke of him with love, admiration, and deep respect. That's not common enough these days, in my opinion. As I was driving to the burial site, I noticed a flag in the distance being flown at half staff. I knew in my gut it was in honor of Grandpa, but couldn't guess who was flying it. It was the Fire Station. And as I approached, I saw the men on duty had pulled one of the trucks out of the bay and parked it by the side of the road with its lights on. And while the mile-long line of cars drove by, the men on duty stood at attention and saluted the procession. I gasped out loud when I saw them because it was neat to see that kind of respect displayed. And today was a nasty day to be standing outside. It was incredibly blustery and cold, but those men didn't move until we had all passed by.
I've never been to an interment that was attended by the Honor Guard. That was quite a sight to behold. An American flag had been draped over Grandpa's casket and I was standing very near the team at the cemetery as they removed it so it could be folded and presented to his wife. Until today, I didn't know it was possible to fold a piece of fabric with such a high degree of respect, dignity, and honor. Each fold of the material was followed by a trace of its crease to be sure it was right, and the precision of their movements mirrored the pride with which the Honor Guard pays homage to its service-members. From the opening prayer to the gun salute and playing of 'Taps', Grandpa's life of honor was reflected in today's celebration of his life.
Living an honorable life really does mean something. Showing respect to our flag and the people who serve and have served to defend it really does mean something. Honesty, integrity and ethics really do mean something.
Thanks for hosting today's blog carnival, Peter.
When people hear the word grief, thoughts typically gravitate toward the death of a friend or family member. But grief reaches beyond death, and today I'm going to share a couple of the things I'm grieving.
- I'm grieving a relationship that appears to have ended. I knew it was going to change but I expected the change to come after I moved. I knew I'd miss my friend and our time together, but I never dreamed I'd miss her while I was still living here. My heart wasn't prepared for this and I'm struggling to accept the way things are right now.
- I attend a really amazing church and with each week that goes by, I become increasingly aware of how much I'm going to miss it. Podcasts are posted online but it won't be the same as being there. I've never felt like I belonged or fit in any church I've attended as much as Lifepoint.
- And five months later, it still feels weird without Mocha being a part of our evening walks.
Peace.
Things I Support
2. Dogs. They're awesome.
3. Babies. They're even more awesome than dogs. I like to snuggle them, hear them laugh, and I think baby feet and hands are freakin' adorable.
4. Red candy. It's hard to mess up candy that's flavored after something red, whether it's cherry, strawberry, watermelon, or whatever.
6. Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Especially the New York Super Fudge Chunk flavor.
7. Kids. Their curious and simplistic view of the world can stop you dead in your tracks when they make a matter-of-fact announcement about something they've observed that you never even thought they noticed, much less processed and figured out.
8. Sitting outside by a fire on a really cold night with friends.
I wasn't going to participate in today's blog carnival because the nomadic lifestyle I've lived hasn't allowed me to belong to a community for more than a few years at a time. But I thought about it a lot and after looking up the definition of community, I realized living in so many different places in my 42 years formed opinions about community that I'd actually like to share with you.
Spokane, Washington - my first community as a military wife. I probably grew more in this community than the others I've lived in. This is where I discovered my desire to have a real relationship with God. It was here that I had to learn to put my big girls panties on because my mommy was about 3,000 miles away and couldn't come to my aid every time something went wrong. Drewby was born here. And it was here that I met people who weren't family, yet cared for me as though I was. On the day Moose left for his one year deployment to Korea my friend Carla drove us to the airport to drop Moose off. When we got back to her car she presented me with a gift; a cookie jar with a custom-painted lid that matched my kitchen decor. Gifts are not my primary love language (that might be why I'm not good at giving them) but something about her thoughtfulness that day really ministered to me. I've never forgotten it.
Panama Canal Zone - the first community I'm able to remember. I was 5 when I lived there. Our apartment was on the fifth floor and the Panamanian kids who lived across the street would come running over when I would walk out on the balcony to feed our dog. When the pieces of dog food would inevitably fall over the ledge, the kids would fight over them because they were hungry and their families didn't have enough food to go around. I watched kids...fight to eat my dog's food. And I knew then I wanted to feed hungry people whenever possible. It was in this community that my beliefs about ethnicity began to form and I realized skin color didn't matter because we're all the same on the inside.
Warner Robins, Georgia - If you count both times we've been stationed here, I've been in this community the longest. I love the spirit in this city and it's a great place to raise a family. I've met some pretty neat people and it's going to be hard to say good-bye to them when I leave in a few weeks. I love my neighborhood and will miss it very much. It's quiet, established, and unbelievably beautiful in the spring when the azaleas and dogwoods bloom. I walk Zoe around our block most mornings and every evening and I love the images, smells and neighbors that I pass. I will fondly think of goth girl, who has long, black hair and always dresses in black clothes and shoes and seems barely able to eek out a smile when we greet her as we pass. And beer guy and gal, who go out for their evening stroll, each of them holding their beer can, with the soft-sided cooler holding the extra beer slung over his shoulder. Sometimes their stroll is more of a stumble, but they're always friendly and always smiling. And I'll miss the cloud of lavendar I walk into when we get near John & Kim's house (yes, I actually know someone's real name!). I guess it could be fabric softener that I smell, but I've tried 'em all and none of mine have ever smelled like that. In any case, I like that smell. And I like this community.
And finally, Starbucks. What, you don't think that's a community? Well, I've got news for you, it is. And while the coffee's great, I really love going because of the wonderful mix of the community that I see there. We can go there with our young, vegetarian, non-caffeine drinking, Bible studying, atheist, pagan, gay, ultra conservative, stuffy, free-spirited hippie, old, uber liberal, tattooed, nerdy, civilian, pierced, camouflaged fellow community members and enjoy each other's company while we sip our drinks or share a smackeral of something. Everyone from the freaks to the fanatics are welcome at Starbucks. And community, at its core, is nothing if not inclusive.
Thanks for hosting, Bridget.
Remember
I'm participating in a one word blog carnival and today's topic is "remember". Thanks to Peter Pollock for hosting.
When I hear the word 'remember', I don't think about lists to prevent me from forgetting items at the commissary (that's military-speak for 'grocery store'), where I left my keys, or that the dog needs a walk later. For some reason, when I hear the word 'remember' I think about where we came from, our backgrounds, and the feelings, relationships and circumstances that shape us and make us into who we are.
**Like Lisa Riddle, who let me ask any and every question about homeschooling I could come up with when I started entertaining the idea of schooling Ryan at home. I probably drove her crazy, but she was a trooper. I educated our boys at home for their entire high school career and it was partly because she let me ask questions and ponder my beliefs about parenting, education, and responsibility.
**Like Mrs. Pruett, whose constant reminder throughout my senior year of high school of 'it's easier to keep up than to catch up" deeply influenced my schedule of housework, tasks in the workplace (back when I had a job that actually paid me for my organizational and management skills), and still helps me when organizing big projects and determining the importance of various tasks.
**Like my husband who is never, ever ungracious to people, even when they deserve it. He always takes the high road and never stoops to someone else's level. I love that.
**Like Rick Godwin whose book Training for Reigning helped me realize that little areas of faithfulness are big indicators of trust, responsibility, and character qualities as well as capacities. If you can't handle picking up trash in the church parking lot without getting an attitude, you'll never be able to lead that flock as their pastor. I'm just sayin'.
**Like Fred Rogers, whose children's TV show convinced me that I (as well as all others) really did have value. Laugh if you want, but I never hear the word 'neighbor' without thinking of Mr. Rogers, his sweater, and the shoes he changed into each day. In fact, the six-year-old next-door calls me "neighbor" because she can't remember my name. And every time she does, I smile - and remember Mr. Rogers.
Comparing yourself to others is a dangerous thing to do. No matter how smart, creative, talented, funny, or fit you are, there will always be someone who is smarter, funnier, skinnier, more creative, and more talented than you. If you're trying to be as good as he/she is, there are two reasons why you'll likely be disappointed. For starters, that other person is not the standard-bearer. And for seconds, you're not in competition with anyone. You're an original; don't live your life as a carbon copy. If you've sung your best note, studied faithfully, given your all, and
maxed out your abilities, then that's all you can do and you need to be
at peace with it.
But if you're not being the best you you can be, direct your energy into that. There's always room to improve in the areas of mercy, judgment, patience, forgiveness, love, kindness, tenderness, and self-control. But there is a limit on your talent and genius meters. So if you're feeling less than because of a peer who is better, seek a paradigm shift.
This is kind of a piggyback to the character vs talent post.
I've been thinking about celebrities and the expectations we have of them and wonder if it's possible we might be a little off base. Take Michael Phelps, for instance.
A while back I heard a lot of people talking about how disappointed they were to find out he had used drugs. I'm not condoning his drug use; like so many others, I assumed he followed the rules set forth by the Olympic Committee and was drug-free. And I feel badly for the kid; he made a dumb choice, the public found out about it, and he'll probably suffer consequences for his choice for a long time.
BUT...
I never heard Michael say he was anything other than a competitive swimmer.
So, now I'm wondering why do we often assign certain morals to a person who has a particular kind of gift or talent? Isn't that presumptuous? I'm not talking about drugs because in the case of sports, it's pretty clear why the standards are set the way they are. I'm talking about other moral issues. Is it fair to expect someone who is clean-cut, a certain age, highly disciplined, or interviews well on TV to have a particular moral code of conduct? I know we hope people have certain standards because many times we long for a hero, and are inspired by people who raise (or set) the bar. But isn't it true that we sometimes put things on people unfairly by expecting them to be at a place they're not?
What if instead of having great expectations of people, we put grace expectations on people. What do you think?
I'm part of a small group that meets regularly to discuss questions we have about all things religion. It's called (originally enough) "Q & A". Sometimes the questions that are brought up are really out there. Way out there. We don't always end with hard and fast answers (or any answers, for that matter), but the conversations are often lively and thought-provoking.
Several years ago when I worked day shift and Brian worked nights, we started going on a date every Saturday morning. Back then we'd drive to Starbucks in Macon (at 30 minutes away, it was the closest one) to enjoy some coffee and conversation before going to lunch. Since we were little more than passing ships during the week, this was a great chance for us to reconnect, refocus and re-energize our relationship. We'd tell each other the details of the week that got pushed by the wayside and talk about the things coming up on the horizon of life. Our boys were old enough that they didn't call us on the cell phone every 20 minutes (probably because they didn't care where we were or what we were doing) and the uninterrupted time together was heavenly.
Brian was eventually moved back to day shift but our Saturday dates had proven to be too valuable to give up. A couple years ago, my happy place opened a store in Warner Robins (I'm pretty sure my purchases pay Starbucks' electric bill.) and we changed our game plan a little: we started going to Hardees for breakfast and then to Starbucks.
We've invited Ryan and his girlfriend Sam to join us a few times and now it has turned into a regular thing. And Drew's scheduled has changed, so he's been hooking up with us too. And even though our Saturday date is bigger, louder, and more lively than when it began five years ago, it definitely still qualifies as heavenly.
It's interesting how people attempt to mask their pain. Many display their hurt in the form of loud, bitter, or harsh anger. But sometimes hurt manifests itself in a different way.
When my feelings get hurt it's almost always because I feel personally rejected in some way. And apathy is the mask I'm tempted to wear to cover those hurt feelings because it seems easier to try not to care than to confront and work through them. Whereas anger is often passionate, apathy is passive. I'm not a passive person by any stretch, and "passionate" is the word consistently used to describe me by people who know me really well. Therefore it's interesting to me that when I'm hurt, I have a tendency to lean toward passivity and basically 'go gray'.
The area where I'm most likely to feel rejected in life is with regard to my relationships. This is probably because I've always had a keen appreciation for friendships and have never taken a person's presence in my life for granted. Due to my being a military brat who married an Air Force guy, my whole life has consisted of moving to a new place, meeting new people, forming friendships and moving away. So when I feel that someone doesn't place the same value on our friendship that I do, I feel rejected. And it is here that I find myself depressed and tempted to become apathetic toward people in order to avoid those same feelings in the future.
But passion can only lie dormant for so long. That's what makes it a passion. It's also what makes me...well, me. I can't not care about people for very long. I tried. I discovered I was more miserable expending the energy it took to remain apathetic than to work through hurt feelings. Being passionate is just easier, despite the fact that it makes me feel more vulnerable. So I'll find a way to embrace the vulnerability in order to preserve my passionate nature. And I'll reject apathy. I'll resist the temptation to wander through the gray into the darkness. I'll forge through the lighter shades of gray until I reach the light.
So basically I'm saying I'm passionate about not being apathetic. LOL Yet another facet of the square peg's mojo I'm learning to embrace.
Long live the Altoid! =)
I was talking with a friend recently who was telling me about a confusing situation she had with an acquaintance. Basically, my friend met someone at a conference who turned out to be one of her neighbors. They hit it off big time at the conference and my friend thought she had just entered a new friendship. But ever since the conference, her neighbor hasn't done anything to keep the door to the relationship open. She hasn't closed it, but it seems she only wants to play it 'safe' by communicating on social networks rather than in person.
My friend knew some of the neighbor's background and said her neighbor was still nursing a wound from a previous relationship that left her shattered, confused, and numb. My friend and I ended our discussion on this topic by concluding that some people (like her neighbor) only expose themselves to others to a certain degree and then pull back in order to avoid further rejection.
Have you ever done this? I have. I've warmed up to people only to later stop them from getting too close because I was afraid they wouldn't like me after they got to know me better. Or because someone else rejected me and I wanted to avoid the same thing from happening again.
Even although we've successfully avoided rejection, haven't we also avoided intimacy? And while playing it safe avoids potential pain and vulnerability, intimacy can't be substituted with anything else. One of the advantages of having intimate friendships is that we have a soft place to fall. And where would we be without those when we're in the depths of despair or just want somebody to shoot straight with us when we need advice? Yes, someone may hurt us if we put ourselves out there. In fact, sooner or later, someone will hurt or disappoint us. But even that brings a new opportunity for us to experience growth. And isn't that what we ultimately want: to grow and move forward rather than stagnating all alone?
When was the last time you went on a recon mission? You know what I mean…you heard a juicy bit of gossip but didn't get the whole scoop, so you decided to run a ‘recon mission’ to find out more.
Like the time your co-worker suddenly resigned his position, citing 'personal reasons' for his departure and you started asking around to find why he really left, even though his decision to leave didn't affect your job at all. Yeah...that's running recon.
Or the time you heard your former pastor was caught looking at porn and might be fired so you called one of the deacons in your former church to express your 'concern' and desire to 'pray' for your pastor...even though you haven't spoken to him in over 3 years. Guess what? Yup...recon.
How about when a friend tells you another friend is spreading rumors about you and your boyfriend? Instead of getting a play-by-play from the repeater, what would happen if you employed the Matthew 18 approach to handle this situation? Don’t hide behind the mask you wear and talk to everybody else about the situation except the parties you should be talking to.
When you’ve been in the presence of someone as they spoke ill of someone else (not in the room), did you keep silent? Or did you gently point out that the conversation wasn’t appropriate? Did you come to the defense of the one being torn down or did you participate by agreeing, adding your own first-hand knowledge, or did you spread the poison further by making up new stories? I don't know about you, but I need to work on this part (not the new stories; the other stuff).
When was the last time you restored someone?
Everyone reading this knows what I'm talking about and everyone knows it's wrong. But just in case you need a little scripture:
Troublemakers start fights; gossips break up friendships.
Proverbs 16:28
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
Proverbs 17:9
Did you realize you were separating friends when you talked about them?
Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.
Galatians 6:1-3
As a ring of gold in a pig’s snout is a woman who shows no discretion.
Proverbs 11:22
Sidebar: It's not just women who need to work on this. I know plenty of men need to learn discretion, too.
A friend told me recently that she'd never watch another movie featuring Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie because Brad cheated on Jennifer Aniston and Angie broke up Brad and Jen's marriage. My friend said she has a serious dislike for homewreckers.
When another friend updated her facebook status to say that she was 'glad the pedophile was gone' when Michael Jackson died, numerous friends posted comments; some in agreement, others who insisted MJ's talent be separated from his personal life. Is a person his talent, or is a person his character? Should people only be defined one way?
I'm curious to hear from you. Would you share your feelings about this? Do you separate a person's talent from their character? Would you vote for a politician knowing he was immoral if his policies directly affected whether your job was kept or done away with? Would you quit supporting your favorite basketball team with your game attendance if one of the players was abusing his wife? Why do you believe the way you do and how did you come to your conclusion?
Are you trying to steal third base because you're afraid if you don't you'll never make it to home plate? Are you worried you'll be stuck in the outfield forever? You're not alone. But being unwilling to wait can be dangerous.
What you're doing in God isn't based on what comes next. If you fear someone's going to be dishonest with you, don't cheat him first. God requires more from those He's going to do more in.
Have you really been touched by God, or just by the atmosphere?
Be wary of the synthetic plan of man. Promotion comes from God.
Proteges want what you learn.
Parasites want what you earn.
Which are you in the lives of others?
Minister to many, fellowship with few.
Never let anyone know more about you than you're sure you can trust him/her with.
my never-ending battle
My 411
- Eva M.
- After struggling to fit into the proverbial round hole, I figured it was more honest to embrace the natural facets of my personality: passion for God and people, off-the-wall logic and a twisted sense of humor.
I'm an Air Force wife and former homeschool mom who writes about people and relationships, my faith, and my family. I love my crazy, beautiful, mosaic life...and coffee.