The Square Peg

Rhody gets more precious every day. He knows my voice when I talk to him and likes to snuggle on my chest while I pat his back. And I'm pretty sure I'm the queen of getting babies to burp because he does it every time I hold him. LOL

As I hold Rhody and smooch him, I am reminded of how my grandfather used to tell me at the beginning of my visits with him and my grandmother that they needed "hundreds and hundreds" of kisses from me while I was at their house or they were at mine. I distinctly remember one visit when I promised my Papa 100 kisses per hour. And at the top of every hour, I'd go find him and give him a hundred kisses. It made me feel so special. It was no surprise that he wanted kisses from my boys when they came along.

When they were tiny babies, Papa used to hold them and kiss all over their little faces. Then he'd pull them away from him so he could look at them, and he'd say the Hungarian equivalent of "oh, my gosh!" in his thick accented voice and then kiss them all over again. I now understand Papa's sentiments because when I'm holding little Rhody the urge to smooch that precious baby is simply irresistible. And I soo understand why he needed so many kisses because I need so many Rhody smooches before I go back home.

Bridget is hosting today's blog carnival. It's open to everyone; if you want to participate, go to her page and leave a comment with a link to your blog after you've posted your entry.

Love is the most powerful force in the universe. And from where I'm sitting, it seems there are 3 categories of 'love' we experience most often.

Casual - This is the kind of love we hear and see the most yet it has the shallowest meaning. It's never meant  in a deep, committed, or sacrificial kind of way.
"I love those shoes."
"I love your hair."
"I love to play golf."
"I love that song."
Casual love doesn't require us to do anything. We can use the word love to describe our feelings and not suffer any consequences when we change our mind. If you don't love those shoes any more, you just stop wearing them. Nobody cares and you won't be held accountable.  

Convenient - This is pretty straight-forward; as long as it's working, we love it.
I used to say I loved Arby's fast food until I lived in Wichita Falls, Texas. The only store in the city was located at the bottom of an exit off the freeway, didn't have a drive-thru and only took cash; no checks or debit cards. You had to really want Arby's to go there. After a few times of spending 30 minutes of my busy life trying to find a parking spot, walking inside and waiting in line, followed by sitting in traffic to get back on the freeway, I realized I didn't really love Arby's as much as I thought or claimed. The hassle wasn't worth the reward.

Sometimes it's convenient to love someone we think we can get something from...whether it's an inheritance, something he/she can do or provide that propels us forward at work, or gives us leverage, position, status or power.

This type of love has hurt me the most personally. Discovering I was convenient to love (and subsequently stop loving) cuts me deeper than being loved casually or conditionally for some reason and leaves me feeling like I've been sucker punched.

Conditional - This is closely related to convenient love but this is typically based on our performance (or lack thereof).
"You obviously don't have what it takes to be with someone like me"
"You called a few times but did you ever come over or offer to help financially?"
"If you can't try to understand me or what I need, then maybe we don't have anything worth fighting to save."

Since no one is able to perform the right way all the time, this type of love is extremely frustrating and typically unfair. It's pretty easy to spot though, because it doesn't take long to rear its ugly head.

Much of the time people who are love casually, conveniently or conditionally aren't even aware of it.

But there is another kind of love. And it also starts with a C.

It's Christ's love. But His love isn't anything like the ones I listed previously. In fact, His love is the polar opposite because there's nothing casual, convenient, or conditional about His love for humanity. He's committed to us. He's all in. He's true blue.

But I think we sometimes try to put His love in the first three categories because we have a hard time grasping it. If I don't love you unconditionally, it's pretty easy for me to assume that God doesn't love me unconditionally, either. But that's so wrong...

If you have only experienced the first three types of love I listed, please hear me: God has crazy love for us and it's not affected by our performance, lack of faith, mistakes/failures, accolades we've received, our ability to study/teach His text, or make money.
He loves us because we exist.
And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you.

This morning in church when Ollie was making the announcements about upcoming events, I realized I only have two Sundays left at Lifepoint. Don't ask me how, but I managed to miss that reality before today and it hit me like a ton of bricks and I started crying. I've said that I'm going to try hard not to compare any and all churches we visit to "the LP" but I know that's going to be really tough. So tough, in fact, I've wondered how long it'll be before I won't be tempted to do that. (My guess is quite a while. :-/)

I'm sure tears will fall frequently (and heavily) in the upcoming weeks but I'll move forward as I wipe my eyes and blow my nose, knowing that even though I'll miss the LP, I'm going to the new place I belong. (what a weird concept)

And I'm taking the LP spirit with me.

Because the planet needs more of it.

22 - The # of years (to the day) ago I went on a blind date (set up by my co-worker) and met Moose.
21 - The # of years ago I married him. I was 21. He was 23.
20 - The # of years the Air Force has been moving us around.
19 - the # of times in the day he tells me he loves me, my butt looks good in my jeans, or that I'm hot. I never get tired of hearing any of those things.
18 - The # of couches I think we've had that have been used and abused by my men wrestling on it.
17 - One of the anniversaries he missed because he was deployed. I was particularly sentimental about this one...17 years on the 17th...and it fell on a Saturday, the day of the week we married.
16 - The age Ryan started driving...and we learned there was a whole new dimension to praying, loving and worrying about your kid.
15 - The # of TDY's Moose has had.
14 - This how old Ryan was when Moose taught him to shave. It was a serious dad moment for Moose; he came out of the bathroom a little teary-eyed. His little buddy was rapidly becoming a man.
13 - The # of vehicles we've had...Chevy Sprint, Toyota Tercel wagon, Plymouth Grand Voyager, Chevy Luv, Ford Ranger, Ford F-150, Honda Accord, Hyundai Elantra, Chevy Suburban, Chevy Trailblazer, Ford Ranger, Hyundai Sonata, and an Acura TSX, whom I affectionately call "Jack".
12 - The # of months we spent in marriage counseling. Cost us $100 a week and thousands of $ in credit card debt. Dr. Scott's rule that our session couldn't be discussed for 24 hours (smart man), left us with no choice other than to go to Sears to anesthetize our pain. LOL Took us 3 years to pay it off. It was worth every, single penny.
11 - The # of houses/apartments/trailers we've lived in.
10 - The # of years we had a teenager under our roof. We survived, but not without accruing our fair share of gray hair.
9 - The # of jobs I've had.
8 - The # of dogs we've had: Beemer, Samantha, Mickey, Misery, Dixie, Willow, Mocha and Zoe
7 - The # of hours it takes to drive to TN to visit our family from Georgia. Closest we've lived since joining the AF.
6 - The # of times we've changed bases. Illinois, Washington, North Carolina, Georgia, Texas, and Georgia. 
5 - The # of wedding bands I've bought Brian. He bent 3 at work (to the point of being unwearable), lost 1, and then I got smart and bought one made out of tungsten. I couldn't get it engraved, but it's pretty much indestructible.
4 - The # of candles on Drew's birthday cake when we gave him a new bike. He broke his arm an hour later.
3 - Ryan's age when Brian adopted him. They celebrate their anniversary every July, sometimes in big ways, other times in small ways.
2 - The # of kids we had on our first wedding anniversary. We lived in Spokane, thousands of miles from home with a 3 year-old, a newborn, and no babysitter. It was a cozy celebration indeed.
1 - The number of months until we move to Germany and start a whole new adventure...just the two of us.

Some despise it.
Some have been hurt by it.
Some haven't 'represented' it very well.

But...
Our knowledge won't increase it...
                                 Our inabilities won't hinder it...
                                                               Our failures won't paralyze it...
                                                                                            Our enemy won't prevail against it...

Windows of acceptability...it's sort of like when you think the lady in front of you in the left lane driving 45 in a 55 mph zone is an idiot, and the guy who blows your doors off as he passes you doing 82 in a 70 is a maniac.

Those are your windows of acceptability. Anything outside of that is unacceptable, annoying, dumb, ridiculous; or whatever adjective describes your feeling.

But I wonder how many people exclude others because those people don't fall into their windows of acceptability. Have you ever avoided a conversation, a relationship, a dialog, or just being neighborly to someone because:

she doesn't go to church

he's gay

she's got a Christian fish on the back of her van

he's an atheist

he's Muslim

she's black

his arms are covered in tattoos and his earlobes can hold his cell phone

he's got the wrong Presidential candidate sticker on his car's bumper

I'd like to see us break down our boxes and get out of our comfort zones. I'd like to see less "us vs. them" and more "we." And could we leave judgment at the door to better focus on our relationships? I'm not talking about making someone who is your polar opposite your best friend. But how about not keeping him as your enemy?

Peace.

Moose & I planted a weeping willow tree in the back yard last Friday. We had to put our dog Willow down that morning and wanted to remember her in a special way. We planted it in an open area near the house that’s easily seen from the kitchen window because that’s where she would lay on sunny days.

When Ryan was 10, he came into the living room and said he needed to talk to us. He matter of factly told us he wanted a dog. We pointed out that we already had a dog, our Yorkie, Dixie. Ryan’s response was that Dixie was an adult dog and he needed a ‘kid dog’. He defined a kid dog as one who would lick his face, sleep in his bed, pull him on his skateboard, run beside him as he rode his bike, and play in the lake with him. We rarely went to the lake, so the last requirement seemed a little out of place to us.

We had 12 fun years with Willow. She went on vacations with us and although she was afraid of water, she eventually worked up the courage to get in our pool and swim with us.

Picture: Ryan, Tasha, & Willow.

Tres Dias is a 3 day non-denominational Christian conference. It’s for single or married folks, and is set up so that married couples go one weekend after the other; men first. I went this past weekend; Moose the weekend before.

Attendees don’t necessarily hear something new so much as hear it in a way we’ve never heard it before. Communion is done every day, in ways I’ve never seen it being done before. It was really thought-provoking & full of power and meaning.

There are 36 attendees on a weekend, and it’s designed to help you have a fresh encounter with God. They have speakers, skits, and singing. It takes team of over 80 people to serve the needs of 36.

In the room where talks are given, you are assigned seats at tables, and each table is named after a male or female character in the Bible, depending on whose weekend it is. You sit in the same seat at the same table each day with the same group.

I was assigned the chair next to a lady named Josephine at the table of Elizabeth. Josephine is my grandmother’s name, and Elizabeth is my mom’s.

Before each meal, a song of blessing is sung, and after each, a song of thanks. Both are sung to the tune of Edelweiss. And to sing them, everyone stands up, links arms, and rocks back and forth while singing. My grandfather’s (Papa) favorite song was Edelweiss, and my mom’s side of the family is German. Linking arms while singing together has a really special memory/feeling to me.

Do I really need to tell you how strongly I felt the spirit of our family’s legacy of love all weekend long? Didn’t think so.

When Olllie (one of the speakers) told us with all sincerity and passion in his voice that our Daddy loves us so much, I was immediately taken back to all the times Papa told me he loved me and how concretely I believed him. I never, ever doubted His love for me; not even once. I always knew Papa was pleased with me, even after I married my first husband (and if anything would’ve tested parental love for me, marrying him was it). I identified as a teenager that I believed God loved me the way my dad loved me…distantly and non-emotionally, but I soon came to realize that belief wasn’t true. But this weekend I wondered why as a little girl I would choose to associate a distant, non-emotional kind of love with God’s love for me rather than a real, never-changing, always present and passionate love for me, like Papa had always shown me. I still haven’t figured the answer to that question. I know Dad loved me in the only way he knew how, but I knew Papa loved me unconditionally and with a love that never wavered. This weekend, the connection with God’s love and Papa’s love was solidified even more strongly. I know my Mom and Mama have always loved me (never doubted that, either), but there is something really, really special about a Daddy’s love for his baby girl. And while I might be 42 years old with grown children of my own, I will always be God’s little girl, whose Daddy is always pleased with her. This fact is true whether I feel it, like it, want it, or acknowledge it.

Seeing all those women working so hard to take care of us (you’re not allowed to get anything for yourself), gave me a new love and understanding of the body of Christ. It was a weekend that exemplified God’s love and service to/for us. I’d seen it before in smaller pieces, but it was so huge this weekend, I was completely & utterly humbled.

The theme for the weekend was “His love is unending, His grace is amazing”. I heard that over and over all weekend long. If it wasn’t ingrained in my head before, it is now.

Peace.

In the 11 days since the election, I have gotten a few emails and texts from people with varying pictures of the “new White House”. These are supposed to be humorous images of what the front lawn will look like after our new President-elect takes office.

I am offended.
And embarrassed.
And confused.

Confused about how people can express such fear of one man getting a new job one minute and then talk about how God is their rock the next. If you believe the latter portion of that sentence, why are you worrying about the former?

If you’re one who has experienced God’s love & forgiveness, I hope you’re not one of the people fanning the flames of the hatred fire and fortifying the racial walls between people. Surely our time would better spent praying for wisdom and clarity for President-elect Obama. Rather than stereotyping and mocking part of his culture, maybe we could start praying for his safety since some small minded, hatemonger is probably going to attempt to take Mr. Obama’s life.

I hope we wear the knees out of our jeans praying for our new Commander-in-Chief.

The love I have for my kids is practically indescribable. It can’t be summed up in a paragraph, no matter how many flowery adjectives and cool metaphors are used. And while my kids are the same gender, they are totally different from one another. I love one for his sense of order; the other for his ‘live and let live’ attitude while always being true to himself. I love one’s level of self-discipline; the other’s ability to go with the flow and not get bent out of shape when things start getting chaotic (he didn't get that from me).

They each hold philosophies and exhibit behavior that I both agree and disagree with, but it never affects my love for them. I love them simply because I took part in their creation. They could never do anything to make me not love them; yet if they only did things I approve of wouldn’t make me love them more. I love them because they are mine. And it’s a love unlike any other.