The Square Peg

It seems I may have a bacteria in my stomach, and today I had to have a biopsy done to check for it. The following is an account of my day.

I was worried about having the scope put in because I have a very strong gag reflex. Turns out I was worried for no reason. The nurse sprayed the back of my throat with the most vile thing that's ever been put in my mouth (and I'm including the time I accidentally drank out of the Coke can my dad had been flicking his cigarette ashes in, and the time I ate oysters on the halfshell). The word "putrid" fits very well here. Within minutes my tongue and throat were numb and soon after they put the anesthesia in my IV. About 8 seconds later, I asked the nurses if it was just me, or if the room was blurry. They replied in unison (with sly smiles on their faces, I might add) that it was definitely me.

Fast forward about an hour or so...

I wake up sitting in a chair to see Moose and several nurses standing and laughing all around me. I could feel myself shaking and at first I thought I was crying. I was, but it was because I was laughing so hard. Moose told me the following; some of it I remember, most of it I don't.
Apparently I was dreaming (or maybe I was hallucinating) that we were dancing at a football game, where all attendees were given a bag that contained magic blue shoes. It seems I wanted to make sure Moose took his home with us when we left.

Also, I was at a carnival type place, because I was riding a ride. All the cars were pretty, and seated one person to each one for the ride. The cars were purple, blue, green, red, orange, yellow and teal. It was my job to tell everybody where to sit and I assigned them all to sit in the car that matched the color shirt they were wearing. Except Tashy. For some reason, I was feeling mischievous and said she had to ride in the orange car, knowing that she doesn't care for the color. But then I said she might be able to ride in the red car.

At one point, I told Moose I was hungry and wanted noodles. Later on, I said I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich with aforementioned noodles, but the noodles had to match the dress I was wearing, which was black with purple swirlys and circles. And then when Brian told me I needed to get dressed so we could go home, I asked for one more ride and started crying when he said I couldn't have one. In the middle of all this, it seems I kept asking Moose if he was videoing or taking pictures of the ride and telling him to take out my cell phone to do that.
Yeah...and while I was on this trip, I could hear someone say over and over, "I want what she's having". Apparently that was the guy in one of the beds near me. And the nurses thought I was talking about a football game because Moose had on his Peyton Manning jersey. And when we got in the car to go home, I told Moose he had to drive because I was too drunk to do so.

I bet those nurses are at home right now, sitting around their dinner tables with their families, and telling them about the crazy patient they had come through the surgical center today.

This is why I don't do drugs; I couldn't handle trips like the one I took today very often.
After a couple of violent puke fests and a nap, I'm mostly back to normal now.